Happy Father's Day, Dad?

I always get a little melancholy on Father's Day. It's been 31 years without the ability to talk with my father. There is still a faint pain that continues to linger. I think of him regularly.

I blogged The Importance of Fatherhood in June 2013. As I reread this blog, I thought of current topics and issues I'd love to discuss with my father. So I'm picking up where I left off.

Dad, I'd love to discuss with you the critical issues facing our country and our world, including:
- the epidemic of gun violence, gun safety and gun control (the US leads the world in gun-related deaths)
- healthcare issues and the out-of-control costs (nearly 23% of North Carolinians don't have healthcare coverage)
- the opioid epidemic (over 130 people die from opioid overdoses every day)
- the issues surrounding abortion (Alabama just passed a bill that ALL abortions are against the law including those for women who become pregnant by rape and incest)
- the profound cynicism assaulting democracy including the surge of right-wing populism (the GOP has turned its back on reducing the debt, a popular talking point with them until 2016)
- the eroding of principle-based leadership (including pleasure without conscience and business without ethics)
- the lack of compassion for the poor (more than 3 billion people in the world live on less than $2.50/day)
- building more walls to keep people out rather than longer tables to invite people in to break bread
- The FBI revealed it has been tracking "Bigfoot" AKA: Yeti, Sasquatch
- The US Navy revealed we are not alone ... UFOs are real

Dad, I would like to talk with you about ...

... security and privacy are huge issues in our lives today. It goes way beyond locking doors and walking in well-lit areas at night. There is literally only one computer on planet earth today. It's called the Internet. While it's an incredible tool and resource, there are those who use it to take advantage of others like getting access to personal information. It's even impacted our election outcomes. What do you think?

A big part of the Internet is called social media. Social media revolves around personal connections via locations called websites and applications. Some social media, like LinkedIn, is about business relationships. Then there are social media like Facebook and Twitter where we can share personal thoughts, information, and opinions. I've come to the conclusion social media like Facebook and Twitter is anything but a picnic with friends and family. Social media seems to warp and distort everything. It feeds and stimulates obsessions and brings out the bully in people. Our current President of the United States loves to use the social media application, Twitter. Do you think real men should tweet?

Dad, the current President of the United States, is unlike any other president this country has ever had in your lifetime or mine since your passing in 1988. He has an unbelievable over-the-top ego. He is very thin-skinned, lacks grace, humility and compassion. His presidency has brought out the worst behavior in people. "Leaders" who support him have revealed a lack of values and principles. Politicians who I thought I knew what they stood for, have shown they value getting reelected with the help of big-money over logical, rational, life-enhancing legislation for us. I would love to hear your thoughts and observations!

This president has done nothing to unify the divide in this country and has added to the anger among us more than I have ever experienced. Our relationships seem to be based on finding connections with others who hate the same people or issues we do. Personally, I do not trust him. I am afraid we have become ignorant of the peril of America's soul. Dad, it looks like he may run again in 2020. Would you vote for him?

Dad, I think we take ourselves way too seriously today, beginning with this president. The average child laughs 300 times a day. While the average adult laughs less than 50 times a day, I'm not sure I have ever seen the POTUS laugh! We need to be more child-like. We all need to read or reread Robert Fulghum's All I Really Need To Know I Learned in Kindergarten.

We have a lot of unrest in the country around racism, white supremacy and privilege. Racism is an epidemic. Harvard professor, David Williams, a leading researcher on race and health, states 200 black Americans die every day, who would not have died if the health status of blacks and whites were equal. We are waking up to the fact that equality is not equity. We are facing the fact that white supremacy is the overwhelming number of older white males who have power and control of our government, our corporations, our media, our sports teams, our educational institutions, our religious institutions (even God is depicted as an authoritarian, older white man with a white beard) and women's bodies. Dad, what are your thoughts?

I have come to discover I have an implicit bias towards people of color based upon my socialization. I am working to overcome this. As you may recall, most of my early life was being around people at school, church and organizations who looked like me. There was no diversity in my Boy Scout troop, Sunday school class or the swim club to which we belonged. Knowing what you know now, what might you have done differently?

Dad, I recognize the tailwinds of privilege I have received. Were you aware that while you got the benefit of the GI Bill having served in WWII your Black military cohorts did not? Were you aware how FHA housing loans that benefited our family were not available to people of color? I have had the privilege of tailwinds including growing up white, being male, being Christian, being able-bodied, being heterosexual, and even being right-handed! I am not ashamed of my privilege, but I'm learning I need to use my privilege to help my underprivileged neighbor.

"People with privilege have the power to deconstruct the single stories that dehumanize others."
                                                  - Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie 

Dad, we are coming to understand being any sexual orientation other than heterosexual is not deviant behavior. Your granddaughter found love and got married to another woman. We are so happy for them. Isn't that one of the greatest joys, when your children find love? I'd love to have a conversation with you about what it means to be lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, questioning, and queer. 
 
Dad, this is still one of my favorite Kodak Moments of you. I always loved the picture of Mother you had over your desk. It's the reason I have a picture of Terri over my desk. It continues to remind me of what is important in life - relationships. I also loved seeing Poco laying on your desk. You had a wonderful relationship with that dog! I, too, have a similar relationship with our rescue named Jackson. Jackson reminds me and reteaches me what unconditional love is and how essential it is in our lives. I'm still a work in progress.

Dad, I still remember a couple of years before you died, you came over to our home. We had a serious conversation about moving our company forward. I remember in great detail, concerns we shared with each other. Then, I recall quite vividly, standing up, looking into each other's eyes and saying to each other, "I love you." We hugged! I'm not sure we had ever said those words to each other before. I am not sure we had hugged before. It does not matter because I am so grateful for that memory and the gift of telling each other. I wish I could repeat that with you today. I love telling our daughter and son, "I love you," and I love hearing it back from them. Every time this happens, I think of you.

Dad, I apologize for all the heavy conversation about storms brewing in life. Thank you for listening. I believe one of the great lessons you taught me was when I experience the "hurricanes" of life, find the "eye" and dance! It is in the eye of the hurricane I find life is good. Thank you!