What Inspires You? Part One.

Inspiring a Shared Vision is key practice of exemplary leadership from Kouzes and Posner's, The Leadership Challenge. Good leaders recognize the importance of inspiration. They nurture inspiration. They tune into inspiration.

 LinkedIn has a channel entitled, What Inspires Me. Many different people have shared. See http://www.linkedin.com/channels/inspiration

It got me to noodle. I discovered two categories for my inspiration. Here is part one of What Inspires You?

Five things...

TED Talks. Here is where I find the law of abundance! Magnificent wisdom, incredible creativity, and expansive thought that opens my mind and heart to possibilities. The diversity of presenters is amazing. The diversity of topics is astounding! Presentations are short and to the point. It's a great place to get ideas for books to read. Best of all, www.ted.com is only a couple of clicks away on the Internet and it's free. If you are not familiar with TED, begin with http://www.ted.com/playlists/77/new_to_ted.html  Side note: TED is a great place to learn how to use PowerPoint correctly!

Haywood St. Church, Asheville, NC. A true community that accepts people just as they are. Judgement is left at the door. I get goosebumps when I attend. My gratitude jumps. I get renewed hope that it's possible for people of all walks of life to come together. Jesus Christ, Muhammad, Buddha, Rush Limbaugh and Jodie Foster would be welcomed!

White space. Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart in the late 1700s wrote “The music is not in the notes, but in the silence between.” One hundred years later, Claude Debussy said it in a slightly different way, "Music is the space between the notes."  In the age of big data and big distraction, I find inspiration in the white space. When I still the "chattering monkey" in my mind, I find inspiration in the calm. This becomes the "thin place" where sacred intersects with the conscious. To have the body, mind and heart align is to be in a pinnacle experience, perhaps beyond Maslow's self-actualization, maybe nirvana and definitely heaven on earth. White space becomes sacred space.

Commonplace Book. This is a moleskin in which I write down verses, proverbs, quotes, stories, poems, summaries from inspiring books, wit and humor and what to do upon my passing from this earth. This book reminds me of what is important, lessons to-be relearned, studied, marinated and digested. It is a source to go when I'm crawling through the dry-desert-of-bones. It is the one book I'd make sure to grab if our house was on fire.

Our home. It never fails. Whenever my wife or I come home from being away, Jackson, our dog, greets us with exuberance! I can have a lousy day, and Jackson is there to remind me life is good! Welcome home! Jackson is unconditional in his love. He reminds me of the  bumper sticker, "Lord, help me to be the person my dog thinks I am!" Perhaps his gratitude comes from being rescued. 

After I get inside, I enter a sanctuary. My wife, Terri, is the creative source of making our house a home. It is a place of nurture, healing, recharging and inspiration. Some homes are furnished, others are decorated. Our home is a source of living into being.

It's your turn. What inspires you?

The Tale of Two Doctors

The doctor should be opaque to his patients and, like a mirror, should show them nothing but what is shown him. 
                                      - Sigmund Freud
                                                                  Earlier this year I experienced back pain like I'd not experienced before. I went to my medical doctor. He felt that I had pulled a muscle. I did not want pain medication so he suggested I try a chiropractor. 

I found a chiropractor. I made an appointment and went. I was examined and x-rayed. I was given an adjustment and suggested I return in a few days. I did return a few days later. I was shown my x-rays and told of all my structural imperfections! He recommended I come in for a series of adjustments, so I could sleep better, so I could stop taking pain medications, so I could have better digestion. I looked at him in amazement! I go to sleep as soon as my head hits the pillow. I doubt if I finish a small bottle of aspirin in a year. And digestion, well without giving TMI, I'm fine! He asked no questions. He made a whole lot of assumptions and didn't really address why I had come to him!

When I told my doctor I couldn't afford the treatment, he offered to touch-up my X-rays. - Henny Youngman


My wife had a swollen eye and had sought the advice of an eye doctor. He prescribed something but a couple of days later, it had gotten worse. I took her to the ER of our local hospital on a Sunday morning. The ER doctor came in and immediately sat down next to my wife and introduced himself. He then proceeded to ask thoughtful questions, taking notes and asking follow-up questions. He looked at me and began asking me challenging questions as well. He was trying to understand lifestyle, behavior, where we had been, what we had been doing, what was abnormal, what was new. He was a medical Colombo! He examined my wife's eye as well as skin around and near her eye. He surmised she had a reaction to an insect bite. He prescribed treatment. AND 24 hours later HE called my wife to find out how she was doing!

The difference between the two doctors: one asked questions, built trust, created a connection; the other made assumptions, forged distrust, created uncertainty.

Think about your leadership, your relationships, your salesmanship, your connection to other people. Do you ask questions or do you give advice? Do you try to connect by being interested or do you try to connect by being interesting? Do you tell or do you ask? Is it about you or is it about others? 

The real insight from these questions will be to ask others about your behavior. It could make a difference in your life!


 The more ignorant, reckless and thoughtless a doctor is, the higher his reputation soars even amongst powerful princes. - Desiderius Erasmus 

The Importance of Fatherhood

There’s always that, “if I could have just one more conversation,” I’d like to have with my dad. I’d have to catch him up on the past 25 years! I think it would go something like this...

Dad, we moved to North Carolina. Long story, but I sold Gordon’s and did what you did, found my passion and leaned into it. I got out of the corporate world and worked in non-profit, academia and now government plus a whole lot of other businesses with whom I consult. Quite a ride! I’ve learned a lot! Life is good! I’m not sure I would have done this if it hadn’t been for your leadership. Thank you for modeling the way!

Dad, remember the cartoon strip Dick Tracey? Remember the TV communicator the cartoon characters wore on their wrists? We’ve got them! They are called smart phones and they are a whole lot more than phones. They slide into your pant’s pocket! Oh yeah, I need to tell you about the Internet and the age of big data. Remember how you use to get the Wall Street Journal and the Dayton Daily news delivered? They are now digital. Let me explain! I’ve got this website and a blog...there are these sites called Facebook and LinkedIn...

Dad, remember all those books you read, they have become electronic. Your library would fit onto a hand held device about the size of two composition notebooks! Really! I still prefer a paper book so I can highlight, write notes and feel the page turn. I know you were a big fan of Peter Drucker. He is still a sage, but you really ought to read Patrick Lencioni, Daniel Pink, Seth Godin and Jim Collins.

Dad, the United States got attacked! I need to explain about 9/11. I need to explain how the world changed because of that event.

By the way Dad, I got a tattoo. I know, I never thought I’d do that, but well it was special and it was done in a special way and in someways it links back to you! You always seemed to “seize the day!”

Dad, the president of the United States is an African American, Barack Obama. He’s very intelligent. He has a good heart. He’s trying to lead the United States, but people in Washington have forgotten how to collaborate and compromise. That could be a long conversation.

Dad, Graeter’s Ice Cream, it’s still the best!

Dad, Westminster still looks like Westminster. Still a great Christ-centered community much involved in and with Dayton. I still check to see if your name is on the sign out front of the church whenever I get back.

Dad, we’ve got a chef in the family. Remember Erin? Remember grits? Well, they get fixed a lot differently than when you remember them. Erin is carrying on that food thing that Carr-Carr and Betty had. She got a good foundation from mother and Terri! She also knows a lot about wine and other adult beverages! Think a lot of that goes back to a year she spent in France during her junior year in college.

Dad, we’ve got a United States Marine in the family. You never got to meet Bretton, but you’d love him. Remember Jim Johnson teaching at Gardner-Webb? He still does and Bretton graduated from there as well. Once he was all boy, now he’s all man. I wish you could have been there when he graduated from MCRD as an honor graduate! I cried tears for both of us! He’s found his passion. Like you he’ll make a positive difference in the world.

Dad, mother is doing well. She sold the homestead and moved into Bethany Village. Huge transition and she has adjusted. I get back to see her several times a year. Lawrie is doing a great job of helping her with things. You’d be proud of both the women in your life. Lawrie is a vice president in US Bank’s trust restate.

Dad, whenever I get to Charlotte, I still go to Elmwood and visit you and the family. Unfortunately, the Ol’ Smokehouse is gone, but I still grab a BBQ sandwich and cold sweet tea to take, eat, talk and remember.

Dad, I just want to say that you taught me well. I’m deep into leadership and helping create nurturing communities. I say you were ahead of the curve when it came to leading and creating a nurturing work culture. You lead with love rather than command and control. “Management by Object” and “carrots and sticks,” were the big thing back when you were alive. Today its about creating balanced scorecards with people being given autonomy, mastery and purpose. It’s about creating a business culture that is nurturing, but then you knew that and did that!

Dad, you taught me about being significant. It was amazing how much more I learned about you after you died. You touched people in ways I had no idea! I’ve kept the cards and letters people sent to me after your death. I still pull them out and read and remember. They are gold. They are a reminder of your legacy.

Dad, most of all you taught me that fatherhood is priceless! When I look around at people who are having trouble in life, a lack of fatherhood is a factor. You taught me that fatherhood was about being there and making sure to connect with life’s mysteries, wonders, challenges, pain and sadness. I’m still trying to walk-your-talk and model-the-way.

I say thank you over and over and it is still not enough! But, here goes again, thank you. I love you. I’ll never forget! Happy Father’s Day!

To The Graduating Class of 2013: You Must Be Present To Win!

Have you been to one of those events, programs, or grand openings which, upon registering, you receive a chance to win a door prize? Perhaps you’ve noticed the italicized print at the bottom of the ticket and sign..."Must be present to win". Sponsors want the patrons to experience the whole event. They don’t want the patron to miss anything, most of all the grand finale, the closing, the climax. This “Must be present to win!” is fundamental to living a life of significance. There have been some notable graduation speeches in which the “Must be present to win!” tagline applies.

- Steve Jobs to the Stanford graduates in 2005 said ...
    “You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something - your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.”
 
Jobs was right. Been there. Done that. Got the connect-the-dots-artwork in my life. Yet people yearn to find a good fortune teller. There is money to be made in future forecasting and predicting trends. People still refer to Nostradamus. Yet Christ told his followers, only the Father knows what the future holds (Matt 24:36). You are what you believe. The real danger in your beliefs is absolute certainty. Absolute certainty creates so many problems for living a life of significance. Absolute certainty will suck the life out of you. Take the advice Andy gives Red in the 1994 movie, Shawshank Redemption, “Get busy living or get busy dying.” Great case for, “Must be present to win!”

Ellen DeGeneres to the graduates of Tulane in 2009 said ...
    “The definition of success changes. Success is to live your life with integrity and not to give into peer pressure to be something you are not. ... never follow some else’s path;   unless you’re in trouble in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path, then by all means, you should follow that.”

On the other hand, Ellen doesn’t take herself too seriously. She can laugh at herself. Laughter and humor are essential to “Must be present to win!” You will experience grief and laughter is the only cure.

- David Foster Wallace to the graduates of Kenyon College 2005 said ...
       “You can stand in that supermarket line, surrounded by irritating, equally bored people and if you want, you can imagine them beautiful or gentile or helpless - even it they’re not. You have the choice. Your education gives you the option to see things from several perspectives. You can call it delusional. Or you can call it hope. Or you can call it a form of pain relief from your own pain. Whatever you call it, with it, you are unshackled ... a chance to fly free. (Watch, “This is Water” at http://dotsub.com/view/6b8cc93f-3b53-486b-a1ce-025ffe6c9c52)

I was blessed to hear David Foster Wallace’s commencement speech in person at Kenyon College, Gambier, Ohio, in May of 2005. I didn’t recognize the real wisdom of this commencement address until I went back to read and reread it. Wallace’s comments are the ultimate, “Must be present to win!” We are the richest nation on earth not because of resources, things, geography, history or successes. We are rich because we have choice. This is the central point in Wallace’s address. Everyday begins with a choice of how you want to be experienced, what kind of attitude you want to put on, how you will treat others and a further array of choices! Choose wisely so you can continue “Must be present to win!”

- David Brooks to the graduates of Sewanee 2013 said ...
    “The third thing not to worry about is the question: Will I find my passion? Commencement speakers are always telling you to find your passion. This is the biggest load of crap old people have ever foisted on the young. No, you will not find your passion. Your passion will find you. Relax and wait for it."

Two things about Brook’s wisdom. Worry is a total waste of energy. Worry will keep you from “Must be present to win!” Worry removes you from the present and puts you into the realm of shame and fear. Fear is the absence of love. For love to happen and grow, “Must be present to win!”

Second, Brooks is right on when he says your passion will find you. I’ve met a lot of people searching for their purpose in life. What is more important is to remember your purpose! When you remember your purpose, your passion will show up. When your passion shows up, you are present to experience your whole life!

Have You Been Assessed?

The unexamined life is not worth living. Socrates

Taking personality and trait assessments throughout my life has contributed to better self-management, better coaching practices, and to better facilitating of teams, tribes and communities. Assessments are like mirrors. They reveal some interesting things but not necessarily the essentials! They are tools to help explore and discover more about oneself and others. Assessments are a starting point and not a be-all, end-all summary.

The most powerful assessments are of the 360 variety where you get anonymous feed back from supervisor, peers, direct reports, friends and others. They can create powerful “AHA” conversations. They can be catalyst for personal growth.

Here is a summary of the assessments I have taken:

Strength’s Finder - My five strengths include: Strategic, Connectedness, Learner, Maximizer, Belief 
Engramme - 9 (Peacemaker) 
Big Five - Open to new experiences, neither organized or dis-organized, both social and reserved, considers the feelings of others and calm in tense situations 
Herman Brain Dominance Inventory - D > C > A > B 
Devine Inventory - Action oriented, can turn arguments into discussions, seen as being on top of the situation, tactful and diplomatic, not satisfied with the status quo, stimulated by learning, enthusiasm for the audience, can create change, able to prioritize, has high energy 
Gregoric Style Delineator - Concrete Random (CR) 
DiSC - Promoter (i/D) 
MyHardwired - Yellow 
Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) - ENTJ (Qualified MBTI practioner) 
Temperament - NT 
Leadership Practices Inventory (LPI) - strong in all five areas of leadership including: modeling the way, challenging the way, enabling others to act, inspiring a shared vision and encouraging the heart
Emotional Intelligence EQi 2.0 - 113 (Certified)

Recently, as part of emotional intelligence certification, I took an EQ-i assessment. The assessment looks at self-perception, self-expression, interpersonal, decision making and stress management. The results indicated moving towards the high range for emotional intelligence. My “happiness” factor was also high.

Since the EQ-i is a self-validating assessment, I talked with the EQ-i facilitator. She asked if I was surprised by the results. Honestly, I wasn’t surprised. The assessment validated much of what I know about myself. I acknowledged my strengths as well as areas for growth. I am still a work in progress!

Couple of things I’ve learned about assessments. We human beings are very complex. We are a bundle of habits shaped by nature and nurture. Add other human beings to our environment, lives and work and things become very interesting!

It’s not enough to be given results or feedback on the assessment. When your doctor screens you for blood pressure, cholesterol, blood sugar or any number of things, the results do not mean a thing without understanding how they impact the quality of life.

The same is true of assessments. Couple assessment results with experience-based learning labs, you can discover and understand how you show up and how others experience you. You can learn to bridge the gaps of reality-perception, knowing-doing and sighted-blind spots.

The tough questions can be asked. What habits need to challenged? What behaviors need to changed? What behaviors do I need to do more? What do I currently understand about myself? What do I need to do to better understand? What heart-to-heart conversation do I need to have with myself? Where can I get support?

Socrates was right!

Another Conspiracy?

Mother’s Day came upon us recently. Did you remember your mother? How did you remember your mother? Why should you remember your mother?

Perhaps you have bad memories of your mother...being made to eat your broccoli, nagged to hang up your towel after your shower or prevented from doing what your friends were allowed to have or do...no cable television in your bedroom, no staying out past 11 PM on a Friday night or being made to go to church on Sunday mornings instead of sleeping. (I hope there was a father in the house who sided with your mother!)

On the other hand you may have fond memories of your mother. She’s the one who stood up to that strict teacher who gave you a bad grade for turning in your project late. She’s the one who told the referee off after your soccer game for the red card you got. She’s the one who threw a fit at the bookstore when they ran out the latest Harry Potter book at the midnight release party. You only hope she’ll be there when you go for your first job interview. (I hope there was a father in the house who disagreed with your mother on those issues!)

Some think Mother’s Day is just another greedy greeting card, flower shop, restaurant ploy to sell more. No doubt, they benefit from Mother’s Day. If you research Mother’s Day, it goes back to the Greek and Roman civilizations. It has deep roots for every living creature as it is a celebration of being born, being given the gift of life and making a connection to life. It’s worth not only remembering but celebrating. What get’s celebrated, gets repeated!

Dorothy Day, journalist and activist, wrote about the spiritual transformation upon giving birth to her first child. “No human creature could receive or contain so vast a flood of love and joy as I often felt after the birth of my child. With this came the need to worship, to adore.” Blest be the tie that binds!

As a child grows, a mother-child relationship evolves through several roles. First role is nurse. This role is about care and feeding including taken care of the soiled diapers! Queen is the second role (along with a father who is King.) Our home, our rules and you will abide. This role evolves into Coach, standing on the sidelines and offering advice as well as encouragement. The final role is Friend, a confidant who knows your imperfections and loves you just the way you are! All roles are transforming. All roles are founded on unconditional love. Every role validates the relationship and reminds each of the purpose of life, to be of significance.

I believe motherhood is one of those epic events defining required responsibility morphing into desired responsibility for both the mother and for the child. Hopefully from this forge, we learn what it means to be in relationship with others. It nurtures the spiritual wisdom deep within. The lessons of intimate community lead us to greater communities grounded in love. What a gift?!

It’s not too late to remember your mother. And if you still think its a lot of hype, consider the Platinum Rule: Treat others the way they wish to be treated. It’s not too late to celebrate a relationship that launched you into life. A text does not work. An email is one notch above text. A phone call is a start. A written letter, note or card is much better. Face-to-face is best. And don’t just wait for Mother’s Day, find other days to celebrate your primary collaborator in your creation!

Do You Lead Negatively?

A powerful tool in executive coaching is the 360 assessment. Anonymous feedback from the leader's direct reports as well as others who work with the leader are powerful conversation starters.

Here are a few anonymous comments from past assessments in my files that raise red flags.

- She points the way, but doesn’t support her followers.
- He only knows how to make demands. He doesn’t know how to express faith in people. 
- She leads by fear.
- Weak on encouragement. Very judgmental.
- Always needs to be in control. Lacks confidence in the people she manages
- Comes to meetings with is his mind made up.

There seem to be three major categories for "negative leadership."

The Power personality: Always with the team and always in control.
- Demands respect, tyrant, inflexible, restrictive, perfectionist
- Rule oriented rather than people oriented, command and control, her way or no way
- Loves and recruits “yes-men” and keeps them close at hand
- Low self-esteem and low in confidence, roadblocks to connecting with others
- Workaholic and expects others to do the same
Team outcome: tired, uncreative, low morale

The Flash personality: The “helicopter” leader drops in to check on the team.
- Swoops in to make suggestions, leads with assumptions, laissez-faire
- Doesn’t listen to ideas suggestions or take questions (or limits questions)
- Behaves differently in front of superiors
Team outcome: instability, poor productivity, team members don’t see a future

The Ego personality: There is an “I” in team and its me!
- Has all the answers, needs to be right, Teflon coated so if there is a problem it’s not his fault
- Insincere, exploitative, arrogant, narcissistic
- Shows favoritism, may lack integrity
- Emotional insecurity, lack of conscience
Team outcome: distrust, tension and stress, team members make sure their butts are covered!

All three of these types have a bad reputation. I am not sure any of these negative leaders are coach-able. They are candidates for counseling because there are deeper issues involved. Counseling will only work if they acknowledge their bad leadership and want to change.

Ideally, these “leaders” need to realize they lead and act poorly. They need to learn to dial back and become adaptable. Overcoming negative leadership requires taking the hit and also giving credit where credit is due. Most of all, they must learn to think of others, use emotional intelligence and practice the Golden Rule. 

The man who stops by the negative leader’s office to dust and empty the trash, he is part of the team and should be treated with kindness, courtesy and compassion. Take time to get to know him. He may hold a great idea that creates a positive bottom line! 

If you were have those who report to you and those you work with fill out a 360 assessment on you, what do you think the feedback would say?