My Captain, My Captain...

Robin Williams is dead. Please say it isn't so. There is already enough pain in the world, I don't want one of my "pain-relievers" to be gone. 

Robin William's character, John Keating, in Dead Poet's Society introduced me to carpe diem, "seize the day." I was like one of Keating's students, naive, ignorant, future focused, selfish. William's character made me face reality, all we are is dust in the wind. Life is short. Life is precious. Stop worrying about tomorrow and live today. Be mindful and be in the moment. Life is about connection. I embraced carpe diem. My wife, Terri, morphed it into Carrpe Diem and it became my mantra, my tagline, my daily purpose, my tattoo!

For some reason, Don Mclean's American Pie keeps rolling around in my head. It's not the day the music died, but the day the laughter died. 

Mclean's song is complicated. It was written in turbulent times, about turbulent times and yet times are turbulent today. For me, Robin William's death underscores the macro torture in the world narrowed down to the micro torture within. I have to admit, I've had fleeting thoughts of, "is life worth living?" but not to the point of wanting to end my life. 

Robin William's death brings back a vivid memory of a co-worker, a friend, thirteen years ago, who also took her life. I was the last person with whom she spoke. It's one of my micro tortures I've relived many times, trying to figure out what I missed, what clues were there.  I am sure people close to Williams are going through the same agony. To them and a reminder to myself...

I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge-
That myth is more potent than history.
I believe that dreams are more powerful than facts-
That hope always triumphs over experience-
That laughter is the only cure for grief.
And I believe that love is stronger than death.
                                                                    Robert Fulghum

I'm going to watch some of Robin William's funniest material and bring the laughter back to life. I need to seize the day.

To the Graduating Class of 2014: Bad News, Good News

Bad News. You are in debt. According to Pew Research, the average college grad is carrying $33,000 in student loans. Ouch!

Good News. During your work life, college graduates earn about 50% more than high school graduates.

Bad news. While technology keeps giving better value for the dollar, more bang for the buck, education seems to be going the opposite way. When I graduated from college, my degree probably carried me for 15 years. Today’s college grad will be lucky if their degree carries them for 2 years!

Good news. You’ve got the Internet.

Bad news. You are perceived as apathetic, disengaged, disinterested, bored, unmotivated and selfish.

Good news. Kindergartners are perceived as excited, energetic, curious, passionate, motivated and flexible. You can spend time with them and learn their secret!

Bad news. You’ve been taught to be professional, conforming and compliant. The world is rife with VUCAs (Volatility, Uncertainty, Complexity/Chaos, Ambiguity). How will professionalism, conformity and compliance help you deal with the VUCAs? How will professionalism, conformity and compliance help you deal with the zombies?

Good news. You don’t have believe everything you read or everything you think.

If it sounds like the world is against you, it is, especially if you are concerned about the food you eat, where it comes from, how it was produced and how it got to your table. The world maybe against you if are more concerned about fairness than greed. The world maybe against you don’t believe you are entitled. The world maybe against you if you are inclusive rather than exclusive. The world maybe against you if you believe women can lead as well, perhaps better than men. The world maybe against you if you believe women should be paid the same as men in a comparable job. The world maybe against you if you believe Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Dalai Lama and Pope Francis are not only worth listening to, but acting upon their wisdom. The world maybe against you if believe God has no favorites, desires goodness for all people. The world maybe against you if you believe love wins.

Here is my advice. Work to be more like kindergartners. Robert Fulghum was correct when he wrote, All I Really Needed To Know I Learned in Kindergarten.

Your attitude will impact your future. Get in the habit of practicing gratitude. Gratitude is the foundation of your attitude. Be not only grateful for the education you have received at this point in your life, but be grateful for all the support you have gotten to get to this point. Be grateful for your failures and mistakes. Failures and mistakes have provided incredible lessons that will serve you well in the future. In this age of consumerism and living into Madison Avenue’s expectations, be grateful that you are one of kind and don’t need to be nor should you be like anyone else.

Here are a few things you need to know about the power of gratitude and how it may serve you going into your future.

Gratitude is rare virtue and discipline with many people. Gratitude is not popular because it requires self-discipline and practice. The practice of gratitude as lifestyle is much like eating correctly and getting regular exercise. Gratitude is about remembering. It is an affair with one’s heart and soul. Gratitude is a state of being and affirming the goodness in one’s life even when lying in bed with pain and illness. Gratitude connects us to reality and reminds us that there is more good in our lives than bad. Gratitude is the source of courage and critical thinking. To be truly grateful requires looking at one’s life fully and accurately. It is about being mindful.

We are wired to be negative. Our society is obsessed with what’s wrong and finding fault. A practice of gratitude invites a different obsession and frame of mind. Living into gratitude and practicing gratitude contributes to better mental health and satisfaction with life. Gratitude breeds empathy, forgiveness, and joy.

The bad news is there is plenty of bad news.

The good news, you can choose to seek good news and live into gratitude to impact your attitude to make a difference in a world that needs you!

Are You Morphing and Evolving?

Recently, I got an email from a friend sharing 10 Things That Will Disappear In Our Lifetime including: 1.) the U.S. Postal Service, 2.) writing checks, 3.) newspapers, 4.) books, 5.) land line telephone, 6.) music, 7.) television, 8.) possession and ownership, 9.) "joined handwriting," 10.) privacy.

I choose to see many of these things as morphing and evolving.  

When the printing press was invented it changed the way we communicated. The horse and buggy morphed and evolved into the automobile. So many of these brick and mortar industries are disappearing due to the fact that many of these industries lost sight of what business they were in. I still remember Tom Swigart, Spartan Chemical Company, Toledo, Ohio, pointing out that the railroads saw themselves as being in the railroad business rather than the business of transportation and failed to embrace airplanes! Thus, there was no Penn Airline! Technology has challenged many businesses as to what business they are really in! 

1.) The Post Office lost sight that it was in the communication and delivery business. Communication and delivery has morphed into the Internet (email) and FEDEX and UPS.

2.) Check printers lost sight that they are or were in the business of money exchange. Checks have morphed into debit cards. 

3.) The newspapers lost sight that they were in the news gathering and reporting business on an ASAP basis. 

4.) Book publishers lost sight of being in the business of sharing and distributing fiction and non-fiction. The channels for this have exploded.

5.) Phone companies lost sight that they were in the business of electronic communications. 

6.) The music industry lost sight that they were the music channel business. There has always been music and there will always be music. Thomas Edison turned the music industry upside down! Before the phonograph, you heard music live. Then record companies came along and controlled music and the artists. Napster came along and busted the music industry wide open. While the music industry has tried to put the "Jeanie" back in the bottle, its too late!

7.) Television lost sight that they were part of the entertainment industry. They are being shoved to the sidelines!

8.) Possession and ownership are going away. There is a bumper sticker, Own less. Live More. WHOLE LOT OF TRUTH TO THAT! In the end, what can you take with you?

9.) "Joined handwriting" is dying. Agreed, but I choose not to go down this path. I still write about 4 handwritten snail mail notes a day. Anything scare is valuable... gold, diamonds, handwritten notes. 

10.) Privacy- yep. Gone. This blog will be forever  available!

The bigger question: Are you morphing and evolving? Will you be a faded memory due to a lack of vision and growth?

Where Do You Surf?

Recently, I was having a conversation with close friends. They asked where I go on the Internet. So I thought share where I "surf" with a short connection.

For news, I go to:
http://www.bbc.com/news/

http://www.reuters.com/
http://www.usnews.com/

I find these sources to be the most credible with the least slant.

I also check in on USA Today for basic news. http://www.usatoday.com/

I do check out Fareed Zakaria's website, http://fareedzakaria.com/ as well as I try to listen to his weekly podcast.

These are the web sites I frequent quite a bit.

http://www.salon.com/    (Desribed as a "smart tabloid.")

http://www.theatlantic.com/  (Literary and cultural magazine founded over 150 years ago.) 

http://storylineblog.com/ (Donald Miller, Blue Like Jazz)

http://www.buzzfeed.com/     (Tracks what is viral on the Internet.) 

http://www.psychologytoday.com/   (Keep up on human behavior in easy to understand format. Lots of blogs to check out.) 

http://positivemed.com/ (Uses social media to give ideas for a healthier lifestyle. Draws on all kinds of sources including natural medicine as well as traditional medicine, reformatted in a simple, easy to understand format.)

http://justsomething.co/  (Creativity resource.) 

http://www.theonion.com/ (Good place to remind myself not to take myself too seriously!)

http://robbellcom.tumblr.com/post/66107373947/what-is-the-bible and https://www.robbell.com/ (Rob Bell, Love Wins)

http://www.upworthy.com/  ("At best, things online are usually either awesome or meaningful, but everything on Upworthy.com has a little of both. Sensational and substantial. Entertaining and enlightening. Shocking and significant." David Carr, NY Times) 

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/nadiabolzweber/2013/12/and-a-soul-felt-its-worth-a-sermon-on-an-overlooked-miracle/ and https://www.facebook.com/sarcasticlutheran (Nadia Bolz-Weber, Pastrix)

https://www.facebook.com/AnneLamott  (Anne Lamott, Stitches: A Handbook on Meaning, Hope and Repair)

https://www.facebook.com/SojournersMagazine  (Jim Wallis, God's Politics) 

https://www.facebook.com/Frederick.Buechner.Center

(Frederick Buechner, Wishful Thinking: A Theological ABC)

https://www.facebook.com/JohnShelbySpong

(John Shelby Spong, Jesus for the Non-Religious) 

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Marcus-Borg/298042590245972

(Marcus Borg, The Heart of Christianity) 

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Sara-Miles/152978483594 (Sara Miles, Take This Bread)

https://www.facebook.com/Foodinc

(You are what you eat! Do you know what you are eating?)

https://www.facebook.com/moyersandcompany

(Bill Moyers is a critic of big media and an investigative reporter.) 

Finally, here are the podcasts I listen to via iTunes:

This American Life - http://www.thisamericanlife.org/

(Hosted by Ira Glass. Get informed, entertained and surprised!)

The Moth - http://themoth.org/  (Incredible storytelling. Food for the soul!)

 

Freakonomics - http://freakonomics.com/

(They explore the hidden side of everything!)

The TED Radio Hour - http://www.npr.org/programs/ted-radio-hour/  (Brings the thread of similar TED Talks, http://www.ted.com/talks,  together to explore a topic.)

On Being with Krista Tippett - http://www.onbeing.org/
 (A thoughtful approach to all matters spiritual. Soul food.)

Do you have suggestions? I'd love to know where you surf!

Soulfully Strong People: 7 Things They Do Well

Having worked with many leaders and teams, the most obvious work needed, is to overcome dysfunctionality. This is work of the soul. It’s that fourth edge of the saw we need to keep sharp. It's a part of the 7th habit of the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People which Covey refers as spirituality. Scripture says, “Where you seek your treasure is where you will find your soul.” (Matthew 6:21) It’s the core of emotional intelligence. Our psychological and social well being are connected to the spiritual. In keeping with Covey’s theme of seven, here are my observations of seven things soulfully strong people do well.

1.) They know themselves and accept themselves just as they are including their imperfections. They know they are a bundle of habits, some good some not so good. They acknowledge their weaknesses and let it go. They focus on their strengths, seeking to grow them and live into them. Their strengths are their gifts. They know that to “love their neighbor just as yourself,” they really do have to love themselves! Thus, they have skin in the game of life. They avoid comparing themselves to others and don’t live into wishful thinking. They live into an affair of the heart. 

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”                      - Buddha                                                                                                                       2.) While they know themselves, they also are able to forgive themselves. They recognize shame as “I’m not worthy,” and recognize they are worthy even with warts, scars and imperfections. They see themselves as a work in progress, making mistakes as part of life’s journey, not taking themselves too seriously, forgiving themselves and asking for forgiveness. By living into this, they are able to forgive others. Thus, they laugh more especially at themselves and experience the “thin spaces” more fully.

3.) They don’t take things personally. They recognize there is another side to the story that they don’t know. They question the ugly story they begin to create. They avoid climbing the ladder of inference. They recognize what they can control and what they cannot control. They don’t try to change or control other people. Their expectations are realistic, they grow their wisdom and they seek to live in truth.

4.) They work at connecting with others accepting others just as they are. They suspend judgment and extend curiosity towards others. They know even the least of us is worthy of connection. They live string theory. To-do lists are not nearly as important as to-be lists. To-do is about success. To-be is about significance. They find more joy in being than doing. Being connects back to their purpose in live, to make connection and build bridges.

5.) They live in the now. They work on being mindful and fully present. They acknowledge the past has lessons. The failures of the past are lessons learned. They recognize that who they are at this moment is because of where they have been. The past cannot be changed nor should it be changed. The past is what it is. The future is yet to be determined. No one knows what in is the future.

6.) Gratitude is a state of mind for the soulfully strong. They acknowledge their blessings including the blessing of pain and suffering that has revealed it’s gifts. They know pain in inevitable but misery is optional. Consequently, their gratitude becomes the font of their happiness. Thanksgiving is a daily occurrence.

7.) They love more and consume less. They recognize love as the greatest force on earth and the arch rival of fear. Their courage is girded by love. As darkness is the absence of light, as cold is the absence of heat, fear is the absence of love. Thus, their biggest battle is overcoming fear in themselves and helping others to battle their fears.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve got to increase my workouts...soul workouts!

What's On Your Rear End?

NOTE: This is the message I delivered at Black Mountain Unitarian Universalist fellowship on Sunday, October 6, 2013. I was given the opportunity to step out of the pulpit and to use PowerPoint as well as create experiential worship! I am an ecumenical Presbyterian!




Micah 6:8   What does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God. (NRSV)

Matthew 22:39    And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. (NIV)

Ever since we moved to Asheville in 2009, I have noticed there are more cars with  
      bumper stickers than anyplace else I’ve ever lived or visited! I have probably over 300  
           bumper sticker photos! In the Mountain XPRESS 2013 Best of WNC there was a 
                category for Best Bumper Sticker! Keep Asheville Weird was not only #1 but
                      has Hall of Fame status!

Two bumper stickers I’d love to not only see on every car but see every car driver practice:
              Hangup and Drive
                     TXT :(    Don’t Text and Drive.

People in Asheville do not take themselves too seriously. Evidence:
              Asheville - The Sweet Cesspool of Sin
                    Welcome to Asheville! Now Go Home!
                             My comedy channel? Fox News.
                                   My News Source? Comedy Central

There are the thought-provoking bumper stickers.
              What good is a strong leader if he is going the wrong direction?
                     If ignorance is bliss, why aren’t more people happy?

There are health related bumper stickers like...
               When people suck the life out of you,
                     wouldn’t it be nice if they took some fat too?
                           Sweat is fat crying.

Of course there are political bumper stickers beyond the typical political office seeker. A couple of my favorites:
               Darn the Gov’t
                     I love my country...but I think we should start seeing other people.
                            Under Republicans, Man Exploits Man.
                                  Under Democrats, It’s Just the Opposite.

Then there are the “faith” bumper stickers. A few favorites include...
               I’m For The Separation of Church and Hate
                   Jesus Loves You, But I’m His Favorite!
                           Even people who believe everything is predestined
                                 look before crossing the street!
                                     Prays Well With Others (shows the symbols for Christianity,
                                          Judaism, Islam, Hindu, Buddhist, Sikh)

There are the compassionate bumper stickers.
          Some people are gay. Get over it.
                  I’m Straight But I’m Not Narrow.
                         Homophobia is so gay.

Do you have a problem with these bumper stickers? My core values and beliefs are
        rooted in Micah 6:8. What does the Lord require of you? To love kindness. To seek
             justice. And to walk humbly with the Lord your God. The God I know doesn’t
                   make mistakes. On the other hand, I make plenty!

The Catholic Church had a very hard time acknowledging a mistake. It took them nearly
        600 years to finally acknowledge Galileo was correct. The earth was not the center
             of the universe as the Psalmist had written. The sun is at the center of our
                   universe! God knew that! There is a bumper sticker for that...
                            The Truth Will Set You Free...But First It Will Piss You Off!

Perhaps the greater challenge is how well do I love myself? Do I still love myself just as
        I am...warts, scars, imperfections...because if not, I fail at the second greatest
            commandment...Love your neighbor as yourself. My neighbor...the person who
                    doesn’t look like me, who has that funny accent, who has a different
                           socially economic background, who believes in a different religion, 
                                 different politics, different sexual orientation...

One of the most powerful bumper stickers for me is...
       LOVE > FEAR

I believe the opposite of love is not hate or indifference, but fear. I believe fear is the evil  
       one. My anger, my ugly conversations, my finger pointing, my phantom rules, my    
             shame...are rooted in fear. The abuses that we do to others and
                     ourselves...drugs, addictions, credit card debt, over eating...rooted in fear. It's the
                           fear of not being worthy, the fear of not being good enough, the fear of not                                              being accepted, the fear of being less than, the fear of not being valued, 
                                         the fear of pain, misery and suffering, the fear of not being, the fear                                                        of  being.

I am going to ask you all to stand if you are able. I would like you to find two other
        people you know the least. Please introduce your selves. I’d like each person to
              answer the following question: Why is it important for me to be here?

(After about three minutes, I ask, “What surprised you?” Feedback from the  
       participants.)

Please find two other people you know the least. Again, introduce yourselves. The
       question I’d like for all to answer: What is the gift that you bring to this
               gathering?

After about three minutes, I ask, “What surprised you?” (Feedback from the  
       participants.) “What do you know now that you didn’t know a few minutes ago?
             Perhaps we would all be better off with this bumper sticker....
                    Less Judgment. More Curiosity

(Picture appears on the screen of our family.)

What’s wrong with this picture? Terri and I have been married for over 33 years. We’ve
       been blessed with great work, wonderful homes, great travel. Brett is our son. He
             had a very successful high school varsity soccer career. He was goalkeeper all
                     four years and co-captain his junior and senior year. He graduated from
                              Gardner-Webb University in the 2012 and is a U.S. Marine stationed
                                     at Camp Pendleton, California.

Erin is our daughter. She was a high school valedictorian. She has two college degrees
      and currently works in New York City at a three-star Michelin restaurant which
            also rated #5 in the top 100 restaurants in the world!

What’s wrong with this picture? Personally, I don’t think there is anything wrong with this
      picture! Oh yeah...Erin is gay!

They say being gay is wrong! Who are they?
      They say being gay is not normal! Who are they?
            They say being gay should not entitle you to the same benefits and rights as
                  “normal” people! Who are they? Who are they to say what is normal?

I can tell you that Erin did not choose to be gay. She struggled with it. As she told her
      mother and me, “Life is hard enough. Why choose to be this way? God just wired
            me differently!” God doesn’t make mistakes, but I do. Do you?

I leave you with one last bumper sticker...

Seriously, what is on your rear end?

Why Would I Want to Work With You?

Recently, I talked with a young woman who left her job after a little over a year. It was a small business with less than ten employees. There were a lot of reasons to leave including a pretty good commute of nearly 40 miles round trip and poor communications. (She asked off from work nearly five months before a wedding of a good friend and still had not heard back on the request just two months away!). This individual had gifts, talents and passion for the company’s products and service. They expected her to do her job, get rewarded (paid) and repeat. They did not value her working with them (Motivation 3.0*). They valued her working for them (Motivation 2.0*)

What an organization values is what drives practices, behavior and outcomes. Values are not words on the wall of the lobby or on the annual report. Values are the actions of its people from the bottom down and from the top up. Actions do speak louder than words. Culture matters no matter how big or small the organization.

Steve Sasson, electrical engineer with Eastman Kodak, is credited with inventing the digital camera in 1974. The image was only .01 megapixels! The advent of digital photography allowed us to enhance the conversation and understanding rather just record an event. Kodak and its culture saw the digital camera as a huge threat to its profitable film and print business. Kodak valued profit and success rather than creativity and significance. What gets valued becomes the culture and recorded legacy.

Culture is not about office design, outings, special perks (air hockey tables, exercise rooms, free vending machines) or salary.

Culture is about engagement, overcoming fear, reducing arrogance, promoting understanding, treating failure as an education, asking more than telling and recognizing all employees have value. A nurturing, healthy culture recognizes its people are the most important asset and makes it possible for them to bring forth their best to work—including their curiosity, wonder and challenges.

Healthy and nurturing culture encourages employees to work with rather than work for! Working with implies engagement, compassion and community.

How would the people on your team or in your organization respond to the question, “Do you feel you work for this organization or work with this organization?”

* Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us by Daniel Pink (Riverhead Books, 2011)