What's On Your Rear End?

NOTE: This is the message I delivered at Black Mountain Unitarian Universalist fellowship on Sunday, October 6, 2013. I was given the opportunity to step out of the pulpit and to use PowerPoint as well as create experiential worship! I am an ecumenical Presbyterian!




Micah 6:8   What does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God. (NRSV)

Matthew 22:39    And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. (NIV)

Ever since we moved to Asheville in 2009, I have noticed there are more cars with  
      bumper stickers than anyplace else I’ve ever lived or visited! I have probably over 300  
           bumper sticker photos! In the Mountain XPRESS 2013 Best of WNC there was a 
                category for Best Bumper Sticker! Keep Asheville Weird was not only #1 but
                      has Hall of Fame status!

Two bumper stickers I’d love to not only see on every car but see every car driver practice:
              Hangup and Drive
                     TXT :(    Don’t Text and Drive.

People in Asheville do not take themselves too seriously. Evidence:
              Asheville - The Sweet Cesspool of Sin
                    Welcome to Asheville! Now Go Home!
                             My comedy channel? Fox News.
                                   My News Source? Comedy Central

There are the thought-provoking bumper stickers.
              What good is a strong leader if he is going the wrong direction?
                     If ignorance is bliss, why aren’t more people happy?

There are health related bumper stickers like...
               When people suck the life out of you,
                     wouldn’t it be nice if they took some fat too?
                           Sweat is fat crying.

Of course there are political bumper stickers beyond the typical political office seeker. A couple of my favorites:
               Darn the Gov’t
                     I love my country...but I think we should start seeing other people.
                            Under Republicans, Man Exploits Man.
                                  Under Democrats, It’s Just the Opposite.

Then there are the “faith” bumper stickers. A few favorites include...
               I’m For The Separation of Church and Hate
                   Jesus Loves You, But I’m His Favorite!
                           Even people who believe everything is predestined
                                 look before crossing the street!
                                     Prays Well With Others (shows the symbols for Christianity,
                                          Judaism, Islam, Hindu, Buddhist, Sikh)

There are the compassionate bumper stickers.
          Some people are gay. Get over it.
                  I’m Straight But I’m Not Narrow.
                         Homophobia is so gay.

Do you have a problem with these bumper stickers? My core values and beliefs are
        rooted in Micah 6:8. What does the Lord require of you? To love kindness. To seek
             justice. And to walk humbly with the Lord your God. The God I know doesn’t
                   make mistakes. On the other hand, I make plenty!

The Catholic Church had a very hard time acknowledging a mistake. It took them nearly
        600 years to finally acknowledge Galileo was correct. The earth was not the center
             of the universe as the Psalmist had written. The sun is at the center of our
                   universe! God knew that! There is a bumper sticker for that...
                            The Truth Will Set You Free...But First It Will Piss You Off!

Perhaps the greater challenge is how well do I love myself? Do I still love myself just as
        I am...warts, scars, imperfections...because if not, I fail at the second greatest
            commandment...Love your neighbor as yourself. My neighbor...the person who
                    doesn’t look like me, who has that funny accent, who has a different
                           socially economic background, who believes in a different religion, 
                                 different politics, different sexual orientation...

One of the most powerful bumper stickers for me is...
       LOVE > FEAR

I believe the opposite of love is not hate or indifference, but fear. I believe fear is the evil  
       one. My anger, my ugly conversations, my finger pointing, my phantom rules, my    
             shame...are rooted in fear. The abuses that we do to others and
                     ourselves...drugs, addictions, credit card debt, over eating...rooted in fear. It's the
                           fear of not being worthy, the fear of not being good enough, the fear of not                                              being accepted, the fear of being less than, the fear of not being valued, 
                                         the fear of pain, misery and suffering, the fear of not being, the fear                                                        of  being.

I am going to ask you all to stand if you are able. I would like you to find two other
        people you know the least. Please introduce your selves. I’d like each person to
              answer the following question: Why is it important for me to be here?

(After about three minutes, I ask, “What surprised you?” Feedback from the  
       participants.)

Please find two other people you know the least. Again, introduce yourselves. The
       question I’d like for all to answer: What is the gift that you bring to this
               gathering?

After about three minutes, I ask, “What surprised you?” (Feedback from the  
       participants.) “What do you know now that you didn’t know a few minutes ago?
             Perhaps we would all be better off with this bumper sticker....
                    Less Judgment. More Curiosity

(Picture appears on the screen of our family.)

What’s wrong with this picture? Terri and I have been married for over 33 years. We’ve
       been blessed with great work, wonderful homes, great travel. Brett is our son. He
             had a very successful high school varsity soccer career. He was goalkeeper all
                     four years and co-captain his junior and senior year. He graduated from
                              Gardner-Webb University in the 2012 and is a U.S. Marine stationed
                                     at Camp Pendleton, California.

Erin is our daughter. She was a high school valedictorian. She has two college degrees
      and currently works in New York City at a three-star Michelin restaurant which
            also rated #5 in the top 100 restaurants in the world!

What’s wrong with this picture? Personally, I don’t think there is anything wrong with this
      picture! Oh yeah...Erin is gay!

They say being gay is wrong! Who are they?
      They say being gay is not normal! Who are they?
            They say being gay should not entitle you to the same benefits and rights as
                  “normal” people! Who are they? Who are they to say what is normal?

I can tell you that Erin did not choose to be gay. She struggled with it. As she told her
      mother and me, “Life is hard enough. Why choose to be this way? God just wired
            me differently!” God doesn’t make mistakes, but I do. Do you?

I leave you with one last bumper sticker...

Seriously, what is on your rear end?

Why Would I Want to Work With You?

Recently, I talked with a young woman who left her job after a little over a year. It was a small business with less than ten employees. There were a lot of reasons to leave including a pretty good commute of nearly 40 miles round trip and poor communications. (She asked off from work nearly five months before a wedding of a good friend and still had not heard back on the request just two months away!). This individual had gifts, talents and passion for the company’s products and service. They expected her to do her job, get rewarded (paid) and repeat. They did not value her working with them (Motivation 3.0*). They valued her working for them (Motivation 2.0*)

What an organization values is what drives practices, behavior and outcomes. Values are not words on the wall of the lobby or on the annual report. Values are the actions of its people from the bottom down and from the top up. Actions do speak louder than words. Culture matters no matter how big or small the organization.

Steve Sasson, electrical engineer with Eastman Kodak, is credited with inventing the digital camera in 1974. The image was only .01 megapixels! The advent of digital photography allowed us to enhance the conversation and understanding rather just record an event. Kodak and its culture saw the digital camera as a huge threat to its profitable film and print business. Kodak valued profit and success rather than creativity and significance. What gets valued becomes the culture and recorded legacy.

Culture is not about office design, outings, special perks (air hockey tables, exercise rooms, free vending machines) or salary.

Culture is about engagement, overcoming fear, reducing arrogance, promoting understanding, treating failure as an education, asking more than telling and recognizing all employees have value. A nurturing, healthy culture recognizes its people are the most important asset and makes it possible for them to bring forth their best to work—including their curiosity, wonder and challenges.

Healthy and nurturing culture encourages employees to work with rather than work for! Working with implies engagement, compassion and community.

How would the people on your team or in your organization respond to the question, “Do you feel you work for this organization or work with this organization?”

* Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us by Daniel Pink (Riverhead Books, 2011)

Who Opened Your Door?

I began my corporate career in sales. I was a psychology major fresh out of college thinking about continuing to get a master’s in counseling. My father owned a distribution business. The business had a territory that needed a sales person. He asked me if wanted to give sales a try. I took the position, thinking it was a temporary bridge to my future.

Every morning as I would be taking a shower, I’d throw-up! I’d begin thinking about the day, the people I’d be calling on, the sales process...presenting features, advantages and benefits...overcoming objections...asking for the order...my stomach would speak for the rest of my body. Yet, my father believed in me. He reminded me of my initiative, perseverance and leadership roles I’d taken on high school and college. He counseled with wisdom and patience. He helped me to see the lessons in failed sales and point out that my sales closings were better than most baseball player’s batting averages!

More importantly he introduced me to people who mentored me. That was the door he opened for me. David Thompson was a huge door opener for me!

David Thompson was a regional sales representative with Spartan Chemical, Toledo, OH, and a main supplier to our product line. David loved our industry. He loved people. He loved solving problems. David’s gift was creativity. He made work into play! His facilitation of training seminars was like no other. No death by overhead or slides. He energized the audience. He was on par with Zig Ziglar!

David taught me so many lessons and opened so many doors. He made sales fun. When sales became fun, I no longer had morning sickness! David was a master of the right question at the right time. He taught me how to get customers to trust me which is the foundation of sales. David didn’t make promises he couldn’t keep. When a customer asked a tough question that he didn’t know the answer, he’d tell them he didn’t know, but he’d find the answer. David was credible. David was inspirational. David was compassionate. David was a lover of people. David was authentic before it was popular!

We are who we are because of where we’ve been and the people who touched our lives. David Thompson was a cornerstone to me becoming significant. He opened a door to my future.

Who opened a door for you?

This post is part of Leadership Opportunity Fest Blog Tour, hosted by Bill Treasurer. Watch the Leadership Opportunity Fest webinar here, find his book on Amazon, and then join us for the blog tour on August 13 as we celebrate leaders who open doors!

Postscript. After I wrote this blog, I got to wondering about David and where he was and how he was doing. It had been over eight years since I'd last seen and spoken with him. I did a little research on the Internet, got his current contact information and reached out to him. He has had a major health issue as has his wonderful wife Jane, but they are healing. I told David about the blog post I'd written and got to tell him over the phone, "Thank you!" He made a difference in my life. He did open a door for me me! Sounds like they maybe passing through our area this fall and we might break bread!

Who do you need to reach out to and thank them for opening a door?

What Inspires You? Part two.

There is an exercise I facilitate with groups. I ask people to turn to a blank page in their handout or journal and with a pen or pencil, I then ask them to write down the name...

- of a Noble Peace Prize winner last year
- of the MVP of MLB World Series last year
- of an actor who won an Oscar last year
- of the richest person in the world
- of Time Magazine's Person of the year this past year

Many participants look at me like 'deer-in-the-headlights.' Some may get a name or two.

Then I ask them to write down the name...
- of someone who makes a difference in their lives
- of a teacher who made a difference in their lives
- of someone who was there for them during a crisis
- of someone who they look forward to being with
- of someone who inspires them

During this second part, the names flow like a river. There is a name for each category and sometimes multiple names! The people who truly inspire us are the people who touch and move our hearts. They are inspiration! When I reflect on those who've touched my heart, I'm so rich. Beginning with Jesus Christ, my wife, Terri, of 33 years, my children, my family, my men's small group, friends, co-workers, clients, workshop participants, those currently living as well as those not living, so many names, so little time and so little space, so I narrowed it down to...

Six people...

Michael, yoga instructor, inspires me to be humble, to be vulnerable and to breathe! Michael is a good, thoughtful, gentle, compassionate, yoga instructor who has a way of working my body, my mind and my heart. Michael is humble. He is extremely knowledgeable and deeply experienced in yoga. To be in his class is to feel one with him, side-by-side. Michael reveals his vulnerability. He shares stories of himself. He reminds me not only how to breathe but why to take long slow breaths and focus outside of his class. He reminds me of what is really important in life. I want to be like him when I grow up!

Jonathan Feldman, IT guru, inspires me to be credible. Credibility is the main currency of leadership. As near as I can tell, Jonathan not only knows his values, but lives them. I've gotten to know many of those whom he leads. They believe in Jonathan and he believes in them.
I'm seriously thinking of shaving my head and seeing if his "look" can enhance my leadership!

Brett Carr, US Marine, inspires me to persevere. Brett is someone who when he makes up his mind to do something, he masters it. In the fifth grade, he came home and told his mother and me that he wanted the male lead in the fifth grade musical. My wife and I looked at each and kept our skepticism to ourselves. He did get the lead and sang two solos! His teacher urged him to join a children's performing arts group! Brett did it again with soccer. He decided he wanted to be a goalkeeper. He practiced relentlessly and tirelessly. He's got a wad of medals and honors as evidence of his passion and persistence. When he decided to join the US Marines after graduating from college, the Marines kept delaying his entry with all kinds of excuses. I challenged him to consider another branch of the service. He was determined, focused and persistent. Again, his focus ended up with him not only graduating from MCRD boot camp but being an Honor Graduate. I hope the Marines recognize what they have in him!

Lynn Watts, soul sister and Nubian Princess who inspires me to be. I get the honor of periodically co-facilitating with her. Her energy, her passion, her smile, her being are an inspiration. Lynn shares. One of my fondest Thanksgivings was when my wife and I had Thanksgiving with Lynn and her family. Lynn challenges my lack of diversity and opens my mind and heart to greater possibilities in ALL people. She is a catalyst for connection. To be in her presence is to create community filled with joy and laughter. She often shares the quote from Hitch, "Life is not the amount of breaths you take, it's the moments that take your breath away." The groups we facilitate definitely lose their breath because of her!

Mark Ramsey, senior pastor, Grace Covenant Presbyterian Church, Asheville, NC, inspires my faith. His stories and messages are like the bread at communion. Mark feeds me! He reminds how important the care and sharing of stories are in creating community and living into a relationship with God and others. Mark amazes me. He is a role model of living faith and how faith helps one navigate the pain and suffering in our lives. It is a blessing to be with him and in the community he leads.

General Lori Reynolds, Commanding General MCRD, Parris Island, SC inspires me to be a role model. I had the unique experience to spend a week at Parris Island attending an educator's boot camp workshop. General Reynolds spoke to our group on several occasions during the week. She was dynamic and eloquent. But what truly inspired me was Thursday morning at the crack of dawn, several hundred soon-to-graduate recruits to becoming Marines go on a 2.3 mile motivational run. Guess who was leading the run? General Reynolds! Actions speak louder than words. A reminder that we are all role models to someone sometime. Choose wisely how you will act because it will make an impact.



It's your turn. Who inspires you to be your best in your relationships, in your communities, in your work?

What Inspires You? Part One.

Inspiring a Shared Vision is key practice of exemplary leadership from Kouzes and Posner's, The Leadership Challenge. Good leaders recognize the importance of inspiration. They nurture inspiration. They tune into inspiration.

 LinkedIn has a channel entitled, What Inspires Me. Many different people have shared. See http://www.linkedin.com/channels/inspiration

It got me to noodle. I discovered two categories for my inspiration. Here is part one of What Inspires You?

Five things...

TED Talks. Here is where I find the law of abundance! Magnificent wisdom, incredible creativity, and expansive thought that opens my mind and heart to possibilities. The diversity of presenters is amazing. The diversity of topics is astounding! Presentations are short and to the point. It's a great place to get ideas for books to read. Best of all, www.ted.com is only a couple of clicks away on the Internet and it's free. If you are not familiar with TED, begin with http://www.ted.com/playlists/77/new_to_ted.html  Side note: TED is a great place to learn how to use PowerPoint correctly!

Haywood St. Church, Asheville, NC. A true community that accepts people just as they are. Judgement is left at the door. I get goosebumps when I attend. My gratitude jumps. I get renewed hope that it's possible for people of all walks of life to come together. Jesus Christ, Muhammad, Buddha, Rush Limbaugh and Jodie Foster would be welcomed!

White space. Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart in the late 1700s wrote “The music is not in the notes, but in the silence between.” One hundred years later, Claude Debussy said it in a slightly different way, "Music is the space between the notes."  In the age of big data and big distraction, I find inspiration in the white space. When I still the "chattering monkey" in my mind, I find inspiration in the calm. This becomes the "thin place" where sacred intersects with the conscious. To have the body, mind and heart align is to be in a pinnacle experience, perhaps beyond Maslow's self-actualization, maybe nirvana and definitely heaven on earth. White space becomes sacred space.

Commonplace Book. This is a moleskin in which I write down verses, proverbs, quotes, stories, poems, summaries from inspiring books, wit and humor and what to do upon my passing from this earth. This book reminds me of what is important, lessons to-be relearned, studied, marinated and digested. It is a source to go when I'm crawling through the dry-desert-of-bones. It is the one book I'd make sure to grab if our house was on fire.

Our home. It never fails. Whenever my wife or I come home from being away, Jackson, our dog, greets us with exuberance! I can have a lousy day, and Jackson is there to remind me life is good! Welcome home! Jackson is unconditional in his love. He reminds me of the  bumper sticker, "Lord, help me to be the person my dog thinks I am!" Perhaps his gratitude comes from being rescued. 

After I get inside, I enter a sanctuary. My wife, Terri, is the creative source of making our house a home. It is a place of nurture, healing, recharging and inspiration. Some homes are furnished, others are decorated. Our home is a source of living into being.

It's your turn. What inspires you?

The Tale of Two Doctors

The doctor should be opaque to his patients and, like a mirror, should show them nothing but what is shown him. 
                                      - Sigmund Freud
                                                                  Earlier this year I experienced back pain like I'd not experienced before. I went to my medical doctor. He felt that I had pulled a muscle. I did not want pain medication so he suggested I try a chiropractor. 

I found a chiropractor. I made an appointment and went. I was examined and x-rayed. I was given an adjustment and suggested I return in a few days. I did return a few days later. I was shown my x-rays and told of all my structural imperfections! He recommended I come in for a series of adjustments, so I could sleep better, so I could stop taking pain medications, so I could have better digestion. I looked at him in amazement! I go to sleep as soon as my head hits the pillow. I doubt if I finish a small bottle of aspirin in a year. And digestion, well without giving TMI, I'm fine! He asked no questions. He made a whole lot of assumptions and didn't really address why I had come to him!

When I told my doctor I couldn't afford the treatment, he offered to touch-up my X-rays. - Henny Youngman


My wife had a swollen eye and had sought the advice of an eye doctor. He prescribed something but a couple of days later, it had gotten worse. I took her to the ER of our local hospital on a Sunday morning. The ER doctor came in and immediately sat down next to my wife and introduced himself. He then proceeded to ask thoughtful questions, taking notes and asking follow-up questions. He looked at me and began asking me challenging questions as well. He was trying to understand lifestyle, behavior, where we had been, what we had been doing, what was abnormal, what was new. He was a medical Colombo! He examined my wife's eye as well as skin around and near her eye. He surmised she had a reaction to an insect bite. He prescribed treatment. AND 24 hours later HE called my wife to find out how she was doing!

The difference between the two doctors: one asked questions, built trust, created a connection; the other made assumptions, forged distrust, created uncertainty.

Think about your leadership, your relationships, your salesmanship, your connection to other people. Do you ask questions or do you give advice? Do you try to connect by being interested or do you try to connect by being interesting? Do you tell or do you ask? Is it about you or is it about others? 

The real insight from these questions will be to ask others about your behavior. It could make a difference in your life!


 The more ignorant, reckless and thoughtless a doctor is, the higher his reputation soars even amongst powerful princes. - Desiderius Erasmus 

The Importance of Fatherhood

There’s always that, “if I could have just one more conversation,” I’d like to have with my dad. I’d have to catch him up on the past 25 years! I think it would go something like this...

Dad, we moved to North Carolina. Long story, but I sold Gordon’s and did what you did, found my passion and leaned into it. I got out of the corporate world and worked in non-profit, academia and now government plus a whole lot of other businesses with whom I consult. Quite a ride! I’ve learned a lot! Life is good! I’m not sure I would have done this if it hadn’t been for your leadership. Thank you for modeling the way!

Dad, remember the cartoon strip Dick Tracey? Remember the TV communicator the cartoon characters wore on their wrists? We’ve got them! They are called smart phones and they are a whole lot more than phones. They slide into your pant’s pocket! Oh yeah, I need to tell you about the Internet and the age of big data. Remember how you use to get the Wall Street Journal and the Dayton Daily news delivered? They are now digital. Let me explain! I’ve got this website and a blog...there are these sites called Facebook and LinkedIn...

Dad, remember all those books you read, they have become electronic. Your library would fit onto a hand held device about the size of two composition notebooks! Really! I still prefer a paper book so I can highlight, write notes and feel the page turn. I know you were a big fan of Peter Drucker. He is still a sage, but you really ought to read Patrick Lencioni, Daniel Pink, Seth Godin and Jim Collins.

Dad, the United States got attacked! I need to explain about 9/11. I need to explain how the world changed because of that event.

By the way Dad, I got a tattoo. I know, I never thought I’d do that, but well it was special and it was done in a special way and in someways it links back to you! You always seemed to “seize the day!”

Dad, the president of the United States is an African American, Barack Obama. He’s very intelligent. He has a good heart. He’s trying to lead the United States, but people in Washington have forgotten how to collaborate and compromise. That could be a long conversation.

Dad, Graeter’s Ice Cream, it’s still the best!

Dad, Westminster still looks like Westminster. Still a great Christ-centered community much involved in and with Dayton. I still check to see if your name is on the sign out front of the church whenever I get back.

Dad, we’ve got a chef in the family. Remember Erin? Remember grits? Well, they get fixed a lot differently than when you remember them. Erin is carrying on that food thing that Carr-Carr and Betty had. She got a good foundation from mother and Terri! She also knows a lot about wine and other adult beverages! Think a lot of that goes back to a year she spent in France during her junior year in college.

Dad, we’ve got a United States Marine in the family. You never got to meet Bretton, but you’d love him. Remember Jim Johnson teaching at Gardner-Webb? He still does and Bretton graduated from there as well. Once he was all boy, now he’s all man. I wish you could have been there when he graduated from MCRD as an honor graduate! I cried tears for both of us! He’s found his passion. Like you he’ll make a positive difference in the world.

Dad, mother is doing well. She sold the homestead and moved into Bethany Village. Huge transition and she has adjusted. I get back to see her several times a year. Lawrie is doing a great job of helping her with things. You’d be proud of both the women in your life. Lawrie is a vice president in US Bank’s trust restate.

Dad, whenever I get to Charlotte, I still go to Elmwood and visit you and the family. Unfortunately, the Ol’ Smokehouse is gone, but I still grab a BBQ sandwich and cold sweet tea to take, eat, talk and remember.

Dad, I just want to say that you taught me well. I’m deep into leadership and helping create nurturing communities. I say you were ahead of the curve when it came to leading and creating a nurturing work culture. You lead with love rather than command and control. “Management by Object” and “carrots and sticks,” were the big thing back when you were alive. Today its about creating balanced scorecards with people being given autonomy, mastery and purpose. It’s about creating a business culture that is nurturing, but then you knew that and did that!

Dad, you taught me about being significant. It was amazing how much more I learned about you after you died. You touched people in ways I had no idea! I’ve kept the cards and letters people sent to me after your death. I still pull them out and read and remember. They are gold. They are a reminder of your legacy.

Dad, most of all you taught me that fatherhood is priceless! When I look around at people who are having trouble in life, a lack of fatherhood is a factor. You taught me that fatherhood was about being there and making sure to connect with life’s mysteries, wonders, challenges, pain and sadness. I’m still trying to walk-your-talk and model-the-way.

I say thank you over and over and it is still not enough! But, here goes again, thank you. I love you. I’ll never forget! Happy Father’s Day!