What Is The Impact of Fear?

NOTE: The mind-map was updated 9/3/11 after great, thoughtful, challenging comments were made. Continue to give me feedback!

During a recent team building advancement*, we got into a heavy discussion about how fear was impacting the team as well as affecting the culture of the organization in moving forward (something that is affecting our country as well). That has lead to the request of a design for another team building advancement* on exploring fear and learning how to reduce its negative impact.

Personally, I believe fear is the opposite of love. This thought has been an overarching concept in this mind-map.

When I design a program, workshop, presentation or advancement* I begin with a mind-map to get a visual of key components that might be in the design.

What are your thoughts, suggestions and ideas? Note, if you click on the photo above, it will get larger for easier viewing.

*Advancement. . . I do not like the word "retreat" as in, "We are going on a retreat to explore fear." Retreat is about going backwards. Advancement is about moving forward, learning and growing.

MIA at a Recent Health Fair

Recently, I had the opportunity to attend a health fair for a division of a Fortune 500 company. This was an opportunity for their employees to learn more about creating a healthier lifestyle.

There was a booth manned by a local health food store promoting vitamins, herbal remedies and books on nutrition. (Got some samples of herbal sleep aids and protein powder.) A podiatrist was in another booth, who answered questions about foot care and foot problems. (I learned which running shoes were best for my feet!) Behind one of the booths were several nurses running tests and giving assessments. I found out that my body has 17.7% fat which falls into the excellent BMI range of 16 to 25. My blood pressure was 117 over 71 and my resting heart rate was 44 BPM. After a series of questions, they could only say, “Keep on doing what you are doing!”

There was a booth to help women understand mammograms. The Red Cross was there seeking blood donations. (We have a blood shortage in WNC!) I got a nice 10-minute shoulder massage from a licensed massage therapist. A dental group was promoting good teeth care. (I received a travel toothbrush, toothpaste and dental floss.) A wellness center had a yoga instructor, a chiropractor, a pilates instructor and acupuncturist answering questions. An optometrist was sharing ideas on good eye care. (I received an eye glass cleaner cloth!) Two local hospitals were present sharing and explaining services they offered. (I dipped into their candy bowl!) An Employee Assistance Program (EAP) provider was there to offer information on all kinds of resources for work/life balance.

For my thinking, good health includes not only the physical, but the emotional, the mental and the spiritual.

What was MIA (missing in action) was a table or booth promoting “play.” I think we take ourselves too seriously. We have lost the value of play and its importance in our personal growth. Many organizations see “play” at work or a “fun-workplace” as unproductive and hurting the bottom line when actually it can do the opposite. Play can help reduce stress, increase creativity and stimulate innovation.

An organization teaching us how to communicate better was also absent. I believe in this age of distraction, we’ve lost the ability to communicate well. Good communication could lead to better relationships—which has to be healthier. I would expect this spot to include tips on healthy conflict resolution.

How about a leadership booth promoting death to micromanagement and overcoming workaholism? There would be major health benefits from these services!

There was no table promoting the art of collaboration. Learning how to work better together and building trust has positive health consequences not only for the individual but the culture of the workplace.

I would have liked to have seen someone sharing ideas on dealing with change. Dealing constructively with change and creating flow in transition could have great health benefits.

Finally, what about the benefits of spirituality and our health? Could some folks have been present to promote this? Could there have been a booth to challenge thinking and raise possibilities?

What are your ideas for being healthier? What are you doing to become healthier? What might the benefits be—to you, your family and your employer?

Fantasy Team Selection

It’s time to create a fantasy football team according to the talking heads at ESPN. This is where you get to act like a general manager and create/manage a professional football team. You draft, trade and change your team to the rules of the league you are involved. There are over 20 million people playing fantasy football! Lots of people enjoying fantasizing!

I don’t do fantasy football for several reasons:

• lack of interest
• not willing to make time
• real life football seems to have enough fantasy - witness the NFL lockout
• I get confused with all the reality and fantasy stuff on television - the lines are getting blurry!

I’d love to create a fantasy United States congress! My fantasy congress would have term limits. Eight years maximum for congressmen/women and twelve years maximum for senators. People running for congress could only spend a certain amount of money to get into office and no money could come from special interests or political action committees. Congress members and their staffs would have to get health insurance just like the rest of America. Potential members of congress would have to demonstrate that he/she was principled, moral, trustworthy, courteous, of sound character, willing to sacrifice through deed and action and possessed a conscience. Most of all, my fantasy congress would have members who understood and practiced the art of compromise.

I’d love to create a fantasy Wall Street! My fantasy Wall Street would have organizations that were long-run oriented rather than short-term focused. To be a part of Wall Street, members would have to demonstrate accountability in everything as well as the product or service they delivered. Wall Street organizations would have financial practices that even someone with a sixth grade education could understand. Wall Street team members (especially CEOs) would have caps on salaries. Perhaps they could only earn 25 times what their lowest employee made rather than 900 times as some CEOs earn. CEOs and other key management people would be required to go undercover to see how their front line people worked.

My ultimate fantasy has to do with work teams. My fantasy work team would be made up of people who understood the difference between leadership and management. People with micromanagement tendencies would get coaching or would be asked to leave. Every member of the team would be given the opportunity to lead according to his/her gifts, talents, passions and strengths. Team members would be encouraged to take risks and stretch without fear of failure. They would be empowered not just in word but in action. There would be no stupid questions or stupid ideas. Each team member would be encouraged to grow. Trust would be unbelievably high leading to deeper respect, clearer communication and better understanding. Competition would morph into coopetition. Team members could openly share their weaknesses, pain and shame without fear of being ridiculed. When conflict arose, the team members would not triangulate but work constructively to resolve issues. Consequently, collaboration would flow and team members would be in the zone. Team members would not only be excited to come to work, but be willing to give their best. Change would be taken in stride and transitions would be smooth. Work/life balance would be so remarkable that stress would be healthy and team members would be seen as having a life beyond work.

What is your fantasy team? How would you make your fantasy team into a reality team?

Formula(s) for Success

I’m a prolific snail-mail-handwritten-note-sender. I blame this on my mother! Growing up in the Carr home, it was a rule that when anyone did something for you ... give you a present, have you over for dinner, etc ... you hand wrote a thank you note within seven days. Needless to say, New Year’s Eve day was crunch time to write thank you notes for Christmas presents or you did not go out New Year’s Eve!

Note writing continued on when I got into sales after college. I’d write notes to customer’s not only thanking them for orders, but when I’d see articles about them in the newspaper, saw something that I thought might be of interest to them or just re-establish our connections. Many customers who told me they not only appreciated my notes and sometimes my mailing was more effective than my sales call! It was one of my unique differences from my competition.

Chapter 9, (Four-Mula for Success) in Ray Considine’s book The Great Brain Robbery, further justified my handwritten notes to clients and customers! Considine’s formula for sales success was do four things in four different areas everyday including write four orders, make four sales calls, make four phone calls and create four mailings. On the days when you didn’t make enough sales calls or write enough orders, you created more mailings and make more phone calls. Sixteen events took place everyday. It truly was a sales formula for success.

I have learned anything scarce is valuable like diamonds, gold and handwritten snail mail notes! Scarce things touch hearts and impact relationships. Successful, life-changing formulas are scare as well.

Awesome formulas are important recipes for life. Formulas build relationships not only among things, but among people. Formulas help us to communicate better. Formulas help solve problems. They stabilize and celebrate success. Formulas can be the secret to executing a successful strategic plan. Successful formulas impact an organization’s ROI. What get’s celebrated get repeated!

Some formulas for success I have discovered...

Jim Kouzes and Barry Posner’s, The Leadership Challenge, is a formula for successful leadership.

Six Thinking Hats, by Edward DeBono, is a formula using six conversations of importance for clear thinking and discussions.

Harrison Owen, Open Space Technology, is a very natural formula for people to come together and quickly find workable solutions to complex problems.

Thinkertoys: A Handbook of Business Creativity written by Michael Michalko, has formulas to stimulate innovation.

Patrick Lencioni, The Five Dysfunctions of Team has a formula for building a team.

Peter Block, Community: The Structure of Belonging contains a formula for creating community.

Transitions: Making Sense of Life’s Changes by William Bridges, has a formula for dealing with change.

Finally, the Bible has all kinds of formulas for successful living including teaching us to love kindness, to seek justice and to be humble. It has a formula for being grateful for all circumstances and perhaps has the greatest formula for living with others, The Golden Rule.

What formula(s) are you usuing to creating a better life for yourself and those you serve?

Do You Have Time?

Time, time, time, see what's become of me

While I looked around

For my possibilities

I was so hard to please

Hazy Shade of Winter

Paul Simon, Bookends, 1968

Recently, I was asked to present a “time management” lunch and learn program. The program convener wanted me to cover the typical topics for more effective “time management” including the tried and true:

• jumpstart your day ... get up an hour earlier
• touch each piece of paper only once ... pass it on, file, scan or dispose
• delegate and empower! (The challenge is knowing what to delegate and whom to empower!)
• have a place for everything ... beware of stuff ... the more you have, the more space you need ... thus more to clean, repair and replace ... you can get more stuff, more money, but you can’t get more time
• schedule appointments with yourself to get things done
• perfectionism will drain you ... get over it
• learn to say “NO”

When I inquired about the purpose and drive behind such a program, the response was vague. “It’s time! Rather than single some people out who need this training, we want to do a general training.”

“Time management” can be a sensitive topic. I’ve seen people become defensive and take “time-management” suggestions personally. Some come away feeling guilty and feeling like a victim. Some “blame-storm” others for their perceived weakness and shortcomings.

In response to sensitivity, we repackage “time management” into “time leadership,” “working smarter,” “resource management,” or “priority management” —billing these as a process to change old, bad habits with a new and improved twist! This only works if you have the will and perseverance to change. Like losing weight, tools and techniques are great, but what needs to change is behavior.

In Myers-Briggs Type Indicator language, this may be seen as an attempt by the Judgers (“J”) to get the Perceivers (“P”) into line! “J” teams and organizations are especially interested in getting all members on the “time management-agenda driven-checklist” way of work life.

David Cottell, author of Monday Morning Leadership, says it’s impossible to manage time. He suggests we learn to manage our attention. Maximize momentum by maximizing your attention. Everyone has time, but not everyone has the same attention.

Any form of managing one’s attention must begin with a personal vision. Your vision helps you to create your future and includes: one’s core values and beliefs (guiding principles); one’s purpose (why are you here?); a personal mission including goals, timeline and deadline. Design key initiatives and create metrics to achieve one’s mission. Without this in place, “time management” workshops miss a fundamental purpose ... to help execute one’s vision and the organization’s vision.

What get’s your attention?

What keeps your attention?

How much attention do you need for sleep?

How much attention do you need for exercise?

How much attention do you need for work to attend meetings, complete projects, and build relationships?

How much attention do you need to live your purpose?

Clean Sweep* and Me

I read Tim Russert's Big Russ and Me back in 2004. The following was a review I wrote and sent to Russert shortly after reading his book. That lead to my father being included in his next book, Wisdom of Our Fathers, page 35. Like my father, Tim Russert died way too soon.

“Ideas are important and words matter. What they know you can learn. But what you know, they will never learn. Remember: None of these guys has ever worked on a garbage truck.” Page 261

This was advice that Daniel Patrick Moynihan gave Russert when he was working for the senator. Big Russ & Me is a reminder that street sense, common sense and doing the right thing are fundamental to a successful life. Having a father as a role model of these truths not only helps to make each of us to become successful but also is the hallmark of our father’s life success.

Big Russ & Me was full of flashbacks to memories of my father and reminded me of the love and compassion he gave me. The greatest education comes from life’s experiences not from a college education. To be able to apply these lessons is to make a better life, a successful life.

Russert shares stories of growing up in South Buffalo, New York. Big Russ worked two jobs to provide for his family, setting a strong work ethic. Big Russ on details: you need for a firm handshake, remember names, walk your talk, put your garbage out with care and attention to make it easier on others, do honest work for honest pay and be on time.

The one big difference between my father and Big Russ was security and opportunity. Big Russ sought security. My father sought opportunity. I did not realize how much risk my father had taken back in the ‘60’s when he bought a small business. As he told me, “I’d rather be the head of a herring than the tail of a whale!” Working side by side with my father after getting my college degree was every bit as much of an education as my college experience.

My father made real sacrifices. He taught me how to delegate, how to forgive, how to fail forward, how to tell a good joke and how to practice humility. “He lived his life by the grace of daily obligations.” Page 74

Like Big Russ, my father always bought peanuts before going to the ballgame. I still make it a practice today. A small ritual to pay tribute to times we spent together.

Like Big Russ, my father had a very strong sense of who he was. He, too, had no interest in stepping out of character and becoming someone he wasn’t. (Page 218). I remember a favorite line my father use to say, “If you don’t like my peaches, then don’t shake my tree.”

Russert recalls other great teachers in his life including Moynihan. I too reflect on the great teachers in my life and pause to celebrate what they gave to me, especially their greatest gift - time. Some of those great teachers included: Mrs. Schreiber, my petite, tough as nails high school Latin teacher who taught me the importance of practice; Dr. Fonaro, my college anthropology professor, who taught me to continuously challenge my thinking; and Dave Wise, my high school math teacher, who taught me that learning could be fun.

There is an exercise that I do with groups that underscores this. I ask people to write down the names of last year’s richest person, the MVP of last year’s world series, the winner of the Miss America contest, a Nobel Peace Prize winner, Oscar award winner and Pulitzer Prize winner. Most people are lucky if they can name two of the six. Then I ask the people to write down the name of a teacher who taught them something worthwhile, someone with whom they enjoy spending time, and someone who helped them during a difficult time, a hero, and a someone who inspired him/her. Most people get a name for each of these. The reason is obvious. People who touch our hearts are the people we not only remember but hold close.

Russert’s religious faith is an important part of his life. I, too, identify with Russert on the importance of my religious faith. Russert has met the Pope. The Pope’s motto is Totus Tuus – Latin for Totally Yours. Totus Tuss could have been my father's motto as well. I wonder what kind of world this would be if each of us dedicated our lives to being and practicing Totus Tuus?

Happy Father's Day, Dad, I miss you. I think of you everyday. A large part of who I am and where I am is due to you. Thank you for an incredible gift that I hope and pray I'm paying forward!

* Back when CB radios were the rage, my father had one and used the handle "Clean Sweep."

To the Graduates of 2011: Bad Advice

To the graduates of 2011, as you enter the next stage of your life, the future looks grim. Our credit cards are maxed out. Unemployment is hovering near 9%. Greed still seems to rule. My advice...disregard the bad advice.

Learn to be independent...bad advice. Sorry to tell you, but each one of us is connected. Our growth, our well-being, our success is dependent on working well, playing well, interacting well with others. Our success is shared. Learn to become interdependent. Learn to be a contributor to communities. Show others you can be trusted. Be responsible. Learn it is not all about you.

Be successful so you can be fulfilled...bad advice. Make sure your definition of success is worthy and meaningful. Make sure your definition of success is not measured in acquiring but in making a difference in other people’s lives. Remember, when you die, you will not be remembered for what you acquired, the positions you held or the awards on your wall but in the difference you made in the lives of others.

Pursue happiness...bad advice. I suggest you pursue serving others. Pursue solving problems. Pursue making the world a better place for everyone. Pursue a relationship with God. The pursuit will be hard. The pursuit will be frustrating. The pursuit will leave you bloody, scarred and changed. The pursuit will give you happiness.

There are unlimited possibilities...bad advice. This is synonymous with "you can be anything you want to be." The possibilities are out there, but you need to create them, work for them, challenge them and yourself. The possibilities will not come to you. You need to go them. This requires work. It may be a struggle.

Do what you like. Go live your passion...bad advice. My father continuously reminded me, “It’s not doing what you like, it’s liking what you do.” In other words, you have to find your purpose. Your purpose may not be clear. It’s not inside you, it’s outside you. Perhaps your purpose will be found with your grandmother in a retirement home. You discover that she and her companions are not well-cared for. You find purpose in changing that. You are paying a traffic fine and while you sit in the courtroom you realize there are certain injustices. You feel called to make a difference. It’s trash day. You see a lot of waste. You are disgusted by the lack of recycling. You are called to take action. Open your eyes. Ask questions. Dabble. It may come to you early in life. It may not come until late in life. It may change at midlife. Your purpose is a big lump of clay to be worked on.

We are here for you...bad advice. Unfortunately, today’s youth are supervised, coached, looked-over, watched, guided, protected way too much. Parents step in to battle problems and issues, to serve and protect. A perceived unfair teacher gives a child a grade lower than expected, mommy intervenes. A coach disciplines a player, a parent throws a fit. A child is short on money and has overspent her allowance, daddy gives her more. We are enabling a society of dependents. Because life is not fair, it is the greatest teacher to be experienced. To get in the way of life is to create bulging tummies, mushy minds, small hearts, soft hands, fragile egos and spoiled brats. Learn not to be afraid to get your hands dirty and calloused. View blisters as badges of courage. See black-eyes as teachable moments. Learn that shame is a part of everyone’s life. Deal with your shame in a healthy manner.

As you go forth, my advice to you, apply sun screen. Grab a towel for the sweat. Bring an empty composition book and pen to take notes, write down lessons learned and journal your frustrations. Refer to this. Wear comfortable, close-toed shoes. Avoid junk food except for special occasions. Drink more water and less soda. Go to bed early, greet the sunrise. Get off the sofa and away from the “screen.” Turn off your phone, take in the silence daily. Give more. Take less. Learn to "be" rather than to "do."