Am I The Only One?

As 2017 comes to a close, I catch myself shaking my head. I am battling cynicism, disgust and disappointment in and of the United States. I find my optimism taking a hit. The root cause is linked to this being one of the strangest, most turbulent, most disturbing years I have experienced. Discord, injustice, racial violence, opioid drug abuse and sexual harassment and assault are the rage. We, the United States, are not united, nor are we good for ourselves. The United States cannot be good for the world until it's good for itself. It appears the Chinese dream is more attainable than the American dream!

IMHO, we Americans have forgotten why and how to be good people, neighbors, residents, inhabitants of planet Earth. We have learned to be more fearful of everyone and everything that is not like us or familiar to us. Civil discourse is a lost art. In fact civil discourse is
threatening. Freedom of speech requires responsibility and the ability to listen without feeling threatened, yet as I write this, gun sales may have had the best year ever.

While the stock market has gone into the stratosphere, so has selfishness. The "selfie syndrome" is more than the pictures we take of ourselves. It represents self-absorption and self-absorption kills empathy, kindness and compassion. We seem to only value kindness and compassion when we want something in return. This goes against the suffering-servant way Christ taught, lived and asked His followers to follow. We seem to have lost the will to serve or to suffer!

Running wild egos have also made headlines. POTUS 45 and LaVar Ball are the poster children for egomaniacs of 2017, leaving the Kardashians, Kanye West, and Justin Bieber in the dust. Egomania is catching. It contributes to conflict, finger pointing, rudeness, selfishness and ultimately, distrust. According to Thomas Friedman, NYT OP-ED December 19, 2017, Merry Christmas, Vladimir - Your Friend, Donald, "Trump has averaged 5.5 false or misleading claims every day in office, putting him on pace for 1,999 in his first year." The antidote for ego is humility of which we seem to have a huge shortage. 

One of my favorite quotes is from former Army General Eric Shinseki, "If you don't like change, you are going to like irrelevance even less." Unfortunately, the change we are making in the United States is making us irrelevant. Change is making the homeless, the immigrant, the sick, the poor, the abused, the addicted, the least of these, irrelevant. 

We seem to embrace and celebrate foolishness. Common sense is not in vogue. Education and critical thinking are seen as destructive and evil. Science has become a liberal conspiracy. Reason, logic, truth and evidence are distrusted and get in the way of our perception. It feels like we can't handle real life. Everything and everybody is suspect, fake or is part of a conspiracy. In fact I wonder if truth is dead. I am reminded of that famous exchange between Lt. Daniel Kaffee (Tom Cruise) and Col. Nathan R. Jessep (Jack Nicholson) in the movie, A Few Good Men when Jessup responds to Kaffee wanting the truth, "YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!"

Cruelty. There is the GOP Tax Bill that promotes more inequality and divides the classes in America. The effort to repeal and replace ACA that will cause 14 million Americans to lose health insurance in 2018 and 24 million by 2026 is cruel. Taking away sacred land in Utah from Native Americans for corporate development and mining is cruel. There is the cruelty of the Las Vegas mass shooter. Who can forget Charlottesville, VA? The reaction to NFL players kneeling has been cruel as well as misunderstood. (Note: If you want to understand the NFL players and the message they are trying to send, read Michelle Alexander's, The New Jim Crow.) We see "the other" including refugees and immigrants as human waste. Name calling has become a part of free speech, tweeting and FaceBook postings. 

Rick Steves, the American travel writer recently wrote in his blog, "I once asked my Swiss friend Olle, “How can you Swiss people be so docile about paying such high taxes?” Without missing a beat, he replied, “Well, what’s it worth to live in a country where there’s no hunger, no homelessness, and where everyone — regardless of the wealth of their parents — has access to quality healthcare and education?”  (Maybe you'd like to suggest I move to Switzerland!?)

Then there were the natural disasters of Irma, Harvey, Maria and Nate; wildfires in Idaho, Oregon, Washington state, Montana, and California; tornadoes throughout the year.

I can't watch "entertainment" based on human dysfunctionality like HBO's, The Deuce (the germination of the porn industry in New York City back in the '70s), Amazon's Catastrophe (accidental pregnancy leads to a marriage in which neither knows anything about the other or themselves), or Netflix's, Gypsy (a bored, unethical, voyeuristic therapist's out-of bounds life). There is more than enough real-life dysfunctionality. 

Some major disappointments include people I enjoyed and respected like Charlie Rose, Louis C.K., Kevin Spacey and Al Franken, who all gave terrible apologies for their sexual misdeeds. I took it for granted they had the self-discipline to control desires, lust and demons.

Then there was the death of a friend with whom I had fond memories of sailing and fly fishing. 

I've always told my team members as their leader, if you come to me with a problem, also bring a solution(s). So here are my personal solutions to all the problems I've listed in 2017.

I am going to practice digital detox and loosen the addictive grip of technology in my life. One of the books I read in 2017, Adam Alter's Irresistible: The Rise Of Addictive Technology and the Business of Keeping Us Hooked, was a call to unplug. I tried. I am going to try again. I am going to spend more time meditating, reading books, going outside, having face-to-face conversations with others.

I'm going to nurture my gratitude. As shameful, hurtful and un-Christ-like the new tax bill is and the gutting of ACA (rather than fixing it!), I am going to remind myself continuously how blessed I am. I am still better off than 90% of the world's population. I also know nurturing gratitude feeds my compassion and humility!

This is the sharing economy, I am going practice sharing more. I give away about 10% of my work. I'm going to do more for others. My mission is to create and build commUNITY. Since many corporations are flush with cash and will be getting more with the new tax plan, how about sharing that cash with your present employees and hire more employees. If your employees are making a living wage, go against the flow and pay more. Contrary to Wall Street's philosophy of putting stockholders first, putting staff and employees first does incredible things! If you want evidence, read NYC restaurateur Danny Meyer's, Setting The Table: The Transforming Power of Hospitality in Business. And if you can't find enough good, qualified employees, put some of that cash toward training and education. Grow your employees. Who knows, you may end up becoming an "employer of choice".

Exercise even more! Last fall I began a daily 20-minute combination of stretching, yoga and core moves first thing in the morning. It has made a big difference in so many ways in this older body. I will continue walking and cycling, as well as hitting the YMCA for swimming and strength work. Among the many benefits, it reduces stress. Besides, ignore your health and it will go away!

Seek out people who are not like me and engage. I'm going to practice seeking to understand rather than to be understood! Quit judging and labeling people who don't see it the way I do, but embrace the differences. Make discussing controversial opinions easier. This will get me out of my comfort zone and into my learning zone. This will feed my life-long learning need!

One of my favorite metaphors for hope, unity and seeking a better tomorrow is the V formation. Whenever I see one,  it helps me hit my pause and reset buttons. I am going to be on the lookout for more V formations, not just in the sky, but here on the ground. A couple of personal V formations I am looking forward to in 2018, my wife's major birthday celebration, our son becoming a fire fighter and our daughter and her partner's marriage.

Apollo 13 was called a "successful failure." I am going to nurture relentless hope that our culture and political situations move to a "successful failure" in 2018. The challenge becomes, how do we get better with each other without facing a disaster?

Lead Tweets

@carrpediem: Leadership is like love. You love or you don't love. You lead or you don't lead. Think of it in terms of a woman is either pregnant or not pregnant. There is no "kind of pregnant." And as a woman can become pregnant, a person can become a leader.

@carrpediem: The #1 requirement of leadership is having followers. Leadership is about connection. We are wired to connect. To lead is to love. The toughest follower to lead is oneself. So how well do you love yourself with all your imperfections, failings, and short-comings to lead others with all their imperfections, failings, and short-comings?

@carrpediem: To make love a bedrock principle upon which you lead is to hold yourself accountable to the highest level and follow an unwavering North Star. To lead is to serve others. Consider Greenleaf's Best Test, to see if you are a servant leader. “The fruit of silence is prayer. The fruit of prayer is faith. The fruit of faith is love. The fruit of love is service. The fruit of service is peace.” Mother Teresa

@carrpediem: Scott Peck, author of The Road Less Traveled, says to love oneself begins with self-discipline including: delaying gratification; accepting responsibility for one's actions; acknowledging truth is reality; creating and maintaining balance in one's life. As a leader, how well do you model self-discipline?

@carrpediem: The opposite of love is fear. The #1 responsibility of a leader is to reduce fear. When fear is high, trust is low. Want to grow trust? Read Charles Feltman, The Thin Book of Trust. How well do you walk-the-talk of the four dimensions of trust: sincerity, reliability, competency, and compassion?

@carrpediem: Rath and Conchie, Strengths Based Leadership, writes that followers are looking for four things from leaders: trust, compassion, stability and hope. What would your followers say about your trust, compassion, stability and hope?

@carrpediem: Hope is not optimism, wishful or positive thinking. Hope is a call for action. Everything begins with hope. We need hope like we need food—not just to survive, but to thrive. Do your followers experience sincere, authentic hope from you? 

@carrpediem: Leadership is a privilege. There is a special place for the leader at tables. Leaders get perks. As a leader you are privileged with special, powerful inside information. How do you use your privilege to serve the unprivileged?

@carrpediem: What destroys most leaders is self-deception — the inability to see and acknowledge that the leader has a problem. Privilege and entitlement feed self-deception. Do you act contrary to what you could do for your followers and others? Do you justify your behavior because of the faults you see in others? Read Leadership and Self-Deception by the Arbinger Institute.  

@carrpediem: How are you at the five practices of exemplary leadership: modeling the way; challenging the process; inspiring a shared vision; enabling others to act; encouraging the heart. Consider taking the Leadership Practices Inventory to get feedback from those you lead on how well you walk-the-talk of the five exemplary practices.

@carrpediem: What's your leadership level? Position (people follow because they have to); Permission (people follow because they want to); Production (people follow because of what you have done); People development (people follow because of what you have done for them); Pinnacle (people follow because of who you are and what you represent) Read Maxwell's The 5 Levels of Leadership. 

@carrpediem: The secret sauce of leadership is gratitude. It is what helps leaders reach the Pinnacle level of leadership. Gratitude impacts attitude. Grateful leaders inspire followers to bring their best, be their best, and do their best for the mission the team is facing. How, when, where, and with whom do you share your gratitude? 

@carrpediem: As a leader, how diverse and inclusive is your network? Do your followers look like you, think like you, act like you, believe like you? Do you have the capacity to develop relationships with those who are different from you? Are you able to get out of your comfort zone and expand your network?

@carrpediem: Arnold Toybee wrote, “Nothing fails like success.” Think of Kodak, Blackberry and Blockbuster who failed because of success. As a leader, can you abandon the past of comfort and familiarity to take risk in the face of possible failure? Can you think differently and challenge successful practices?

@carrpediem: Do you have a leadership philosophy? Read The Leader's Compass 3rd edition by Ruggero and Haley. Leaders hold themselves accountable to their written leadership philosophy which they share with their followers and periodically ask, "How am I doing?" 

@carrpediem: When you ask for feedback on how you are doing as a leader, you may hear unpleasant remarks. Respond with, "Thank you! Please tell me more!" Your gratitude and desire to learn will amaze, astound and endear you to your followers. This will be a sign of strength rather than weakness.

@carrpediem: Jim Collin and his team, Good to Great, discovered fifth level leadership was key for organizations to make the leap from good to great. The hallmark of fifth level leadership is will and humility. As a leader, do you possess humility, the quality of being courteously respectful of others?

@carrpediem: Today's digital leader in our robust information rich world has less than 20% of the experience and knowledge to lead others well. Humility is essential to connect well with followers and for others to learn what you don't know and make better decisions. 

@carrpediem: Leaders cultivate relationships with their followers by being interested rather than being interesting. Leaders ask more than they tell. Leaders can be heard saying, "Tell me more!" and asking,"Why?" This is the foundation of being an inspiring leader. Leaders go for the heart of their followers to get to the minds of their followers.  

@carrpediem: The sign of a good leader is how well they listen! We talk at over 225 words/minute and we listen at over 500 words/minute. Listen with the intent to understand rather than to reply. Simon Sinek, Start with Why, suggests learning to be the last to speak.


@carrpediem: The #1 mandate of a leader is to grow their followers' leadership. A leader's role is to grow others' leadership by being a coach, mentor and/or sponsor. Who coached you? Who mentored you? Who was your sponsor? How did those serve you to become a leader?

@carrpediem: Daniel Pink, Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us, writes we are operating on Motivation 3.0 in today's world. Motivation 3.0 runs on autonomy, mastery and purpose. Today's leader would do well to download the Motivation 3.0 operating system. 

What is your essential tweet on leadership?